Impulsive feelings..I was searching for something in the shelf and suddenly my hand got a tactual sensation. I felt like something was holding back my hand. I stopped my hand there and tried to find out what was that. Slowly I took it out. Nothing but only a smile stretched my lips and I took a deep relaxing breath after holding that in my hand. The maroon colour cover and a sticker of “micky mouse” on it, the pages were torn, it was smelling like oil of my Tiffin box which I used to carry during my school days and with bad handwriting it was written “prerna” on the first page of it………OH God! It was my diary of the year 2000. When I was in class-4 I wrote this diary. Micky mouse used to be my favourite cartoon character at that time so the sticker was pasted on it, pages were torn because it is ten years old now, it smelled like oil of my tiffin because I used to carry it to school in my bag and one day oil fell from my tiffin box on it. I wrote ‘Prerna’ on the first page because during that time I was much inspired by a serial “kasauti zindagi ki” (hahaha..now it sounds funny)…slowly I started turning over the pages. As I was going through it, I could feel the honest and innocent feelings of that small girl. The handwriting was horrible and there was no trace of grammar in her writing but inspite of all these the piece of writing was clearly projecting the situation that she tried to reveal through her writing. I just sat on the floor resting my back on the wall and started reading it with smile on my face. The content of the second page goes like this…..
first day of exam. coming in the school bus. Setting with my friend Daisy and pompee.simply making joke. we said to pompee “when your maarieg will be settle don’t forget us when we will be success in our dream in your marrieg we will give you a godrej we promise you”. She said “you also remember I will give you a golden chain when your dream will success you also don’t forget me”. This words have been said middle of Brahmaputtra bridge. I will try my best to keep my promise…..This is the Xerox page of the diary (exactly written as it is in the diary). It sounds funny to me now but this was the exact feeling that was yielding on me that time. After reading this I just went in front of the mirror and tried to figure out the girl before 10 years……..

Me and my memories.......

That little fingers holded my tears..
"Baity please nakandiba",that small cute lips uttered while that small pair of eye gazed on the painful face.That strange look of him will be in my memory forever.
The yellow bus which arrives when the clock projects 7 o'clock,the loud horn of the bus,that two lunch boxes,that two water bottles,that two heavy school bags,evrything remained as usual but an additional idea on that saturday morning made that usual day an unusual one.
"where is she?",papa screemed when that little finger pointed towards east."Today she will get nice thrash from me",he shouted getting annoyed by the horn of the school bus.The clock was showing 7:15 am but I was not found anywere in the house.Papa was standing near the bus holding my bag and my water bottle in his hand.The two ponny tails tied with white ribbons moved to and fro,the face grew red and a white rose tightly holding in the hand i stood in front of papa.Not a single word from his mouth,just sudden and a hard stick on my leg and it bleeded.Hanged the bag and the water bottle.The eyes were flooded but the drop of tears didn't fell on the cheeks.With that shivering legs i kept my first step on the bus.Holded the rod of the bus with my right hand and climbed on the bus with the tired legs but the white rose for my mam was still secure in the left hand. Blood made my white skirt dirty.The drop in the eye looked like a pearl which was in the last phase of falling on those red tired cheeks.But the snowy rose was very carefully holded in the shaking hand.Then the two little fingers slowly approached towards the watered eyes and holded that two drops which was about to fall.And the three words,"plz don't cry", of him made me to forget my pain.
That saturday morning of my life is still very fresh in my memory.How can i forget that first stick of my papa?And my small brother who was so inclined towards my pain.All those days of my childhood are my treasure of life forever n ever...................
**Another buzz....
A fine June evening,the vanishing yellow sunlight and the prevailing dark light was itself a wonder.slowly the cool breeze was blowing making the leafs to dance in the rhythm of the light unheard music.Though it was a summer evening,the cool breeze which was blowing made the evening very pleasant.
I stood behind mummy in the kitchen and complaining her things.But she was least bothered about my complaints as she was busy with her cooking.My frustration made me to shout and move around the house.Suddenly my eyes got stuck to the clock.It was pointing 6 pm,the usual time papa returns home.A buzz of smile appeared on my angry face and in no time I ran towards the entrance of the house.
I went out and I sat down on the small rock in front of my house .My hands rested on my lapse and my hopeful pair of eyes was fixed on the road expecting papa to return back home.Sweat on my upper lips like dew on iced bottle and another two drops of sweat was flowing from my head near my ears.My eyes forgot to blink as it was freezed on the road.The tension for tomorrows dance program at school was corroding me inside.I was in class-3,when I had to perform a program and the tension was for a red blouse and a red skirt for the program by the same night itself. I was not getting any way out as mummy was not responding to my complaint and my only hope was papa.But that day papa also made to wait for long.I was sweating,my frustration grew and all these brought tears to my eyes .I was waiting and waiting but papa didn’t turn up.My hope was melting with my tears.Suddenly I saw papa and I began to cry more.First he sat near me on that small rock and wiped my tears.Keeping me in the cradle of care,he asked me why I was crying.I described him with a shaking voice,”I need a red blouse and a red skirt for tomorrows program”.He smiled and saw his watch.He holded my hand and said,”lets go”.
I still remember that night when he was sitting on the sewing machine very late night.I was standing near him and watching him carefully cutting that red piece of cloth which we went and bought that evening.
Morning I got up and the first thing that I saw near my pillow was a red blouse and a red skirt,which was stitched by papa last night.It was so well made and ironed.It had a classy look.
Thanks papa for everything you did for me.I will preserve every moment you gave me.
THANKS A LOT…

***another buzz again

SEPTEMBER 28....

September 28,the weather was pleasant. The air in motion was fresh allover. It was growing gloomy. The light was decreasing as the sun was setting,the darkness was on height. The vanishing orange rays had gone,the birds were back to their nest and the Owl appeared to enjoy the darkness. This was the scenario at the end of that September evening.
I heard a messy noise and that emerged too heavy. I was struggling to know what the cry was. I peeped out through the window of the car that I was sitting in. As the car approached towards my house ,I saw a huge crowd gathered near the entrance of the house and a big lamp was lit inside. The car stopped infront of the gate and breaking the crowd I went inside the house. The crowd gave me a strange look. I was astonished on the situation but I was not able to hit the cause. I entered the house and saw few of my relatives crying. The whole scenario was deeping me in a dilemma but I felt my heart pumping faster.
All of a sudden my eyes hooked to the empty bed which looked like a bed prepared for a dead body. Before any clues could kick my mind, a horn of a van penetrated my ears and the crowd rushed towards the gate. I remained near the bed stunningly shocked. After a while I saw few people carrying a white wrapped body approaching towards the empty bed. I was growing weak,my legs were shivering,I started breathing faster,my heart clicked faster,my sweating hand slowly slipped down from the bed and all my senses vanished . I slowly moved towards that bed. I was not able to feel any molecule of energy inside myself and I was heedless about the noise around me. I stood near the bed and collapsed on the ground. Slowly little energy moved my fingers and I raised my shivering hand to remove the white mist from the dead body,it was my paternal grandmother.
OH MY GOD ! I LOST THE LADY OF MY LIFE.I LOST THE LADY WITH WHOME I SPENT 9 YEARS OF LIFE.
I WILL MISS U “DADI”.
MAY U REST IN PEACE AND ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO FORGET U IN THIS LIFE TIME.